I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
