I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
