Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
so let's talk penis.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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