So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
