apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
