I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
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