I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
