At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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