no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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