he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
