Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
