at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
