Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
it glows. i had to have it.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
