How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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