She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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