Kiss
Puke
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Randomize
