Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
