I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
