I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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