not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
