my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
