At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
