he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
