There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
The best revenge is premature balding
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
