Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
