Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
