the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize