I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
