Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
