Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
and she was petting her beer can
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
