hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
What drink are we having for lunch?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize