Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
