she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
