Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize