did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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