i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
