So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
