so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize