Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
You left your phone here
Wait...
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
