I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
