the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
