i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
