I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
