Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
