I understand why you refuse to be sober now
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
