Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
