it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
you made out with another girl for some wings
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
