the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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