you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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