You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Randomize
