I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
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