What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
