Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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