He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
he thought i was a dude.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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