Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
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