It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I wish you could order shots online.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
40s are totally the cure
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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