Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
