i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
