i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
They have beer where we have blood.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
