Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I want to be your penis for a week.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
