I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
