Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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