walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
